Hello,
My dd worked on a 3 paragraph story about going on a voyage with an exporer. We did the senses chart followed by the advanced cluster diagram, a rough draft that we edited and then I let her type her final copy (she hates to handwrite so this was a big insentive.) My question is... how much do I edit? Punctuation and capitalization were pretty good, corrected a few spelling errors and restructured a few sentences. We had some debate over a few sentences and I wasn't sure how much to press my opinion of what sounded better vs letting it go. Also, since it is in first person, a lot of sentences started with "I". I pointed this out and tried to talk about changing sentences around so they have more variety, but in the end let her leave it as it was and said we would work on that another time. I figured at this stage my main goals were to walk through the writing process and be descriptive. Is this ok, or should I require her to make suggested changes? What other suggestion would you make to this story? Here it is...

Going To America

I went on a long, long voyage with an explorer. On our voyage I saw sea animals and stars. I heard the sails flapping in the wind. I was homesick because I missed my family.

On the voyage I went swimming with dolphins and it was fun. When I rode them like a horse, they felt smooth, wet, and cold.

Finally, we landed on shore. I found lots of shells. I ate coconut flesh and drank coconut milk. The whole voyage we were going to America.

For my 2nd grade son, Here is what we do:

Fill in sensory chart or cluster

He dictates to me the story. As I write the rough draft, I point out capitalize the beginning of sentences and punctuate the ending. I write just as he says it, if it doesn't make any sense I repeat it back and ask him to make it better; As you can see the rough draft is very much a "verbal" lesson.

Then I give him the rough draft as copywork.

I check the final copy to make sure it was copied correctly, if not he corrects.

I mainly focus on; capitalization, spelling and ending puctuation

He doesn't like to write at all, but loves to make up stories, that's why I write the rough draft, or he would just make it as short as possible!
hope this helps
kim

Forgot to add;
in the Writing Aids we had learned about
- topic sentences & closing sentences

so I made him do this to start and end his paragraph
kim

I think this looks EXCELLENT for a 2nd grader. I really wouldn't edit her anymore. At this age, just let her creativity flow and don't quibble about her starting too many sentences with the word, "I." You might encourage her to illustrate her story--that would make for some fun pictures.

quote:

Going To America

I went on a long, long voyage with an explorer. On our voyage I saw sea animals and stars. I heard the sails flapping in the wind. I was homesick because I missed my family.

On the voyage I went swimming with dolphins and it was fun. When I rode them like a horse, they felt smooth, wet, and cold.

Finally, we landed on shore. I found lots of shells. I ate coconut flesh and drank coconut milk. The whole voyage we were going to America.