Hello Ladies,

I am not sure this is the venue for this but I could really use some advice (or correction if need be). I am homeschooling my 5 year old daughter. (I have a 20 year old son in college). So I guess you could say I am homeschooling one. My church is very small and there are two other families that are HS (with Tapestry). Since they have larger families they say they will be starting at a slower pace with their school aged child.
Anyway, I am finding that homeschooling my daughter has been a bit of a lonely process for us both. The other two families live about 35-40 min away. They both have children who nap so I am forced to do the driving if we are going to see each other. I have been told that it is easier for me to come to them, than it is for them to come to me. The truth is it is not easier, for one reason we have only one car in my family and if I need it I have to get my husband to work in the early morning and go back and pick him up in the evening- this is not a short ride... that doesn’t seem easy to me. I do it because my daughter so enjoys the company of their daughter but I am finding myself getting increasingly resentful and I need to make sure that I do something about it as soon as possible.
Let me express my heart, good or bad and I pray that you all will let me know if I am in error. I am extremely disappointed that we don’t have a closer relationship with the other 2 HS families in my church. I fear that my disappointment will fuel resentment and so on and so on….Unless I make the effort and change things around in my own home my daughter and I will have no real relationship with these families apart for Sunday morning . I declined being a part of a local co-op in part because the three of us (Moms) discussed spending time together on a regular basis during this school year. But I am not sure how that is going to happen.
What can I do, it is not always possible to rearrange my home schedule to fit someone else’s. How do I express this without sounding like a jerk…or am I being a jerk. When we came to this church a year ago I found out that there were other HS families and I was so excited. Most of my Christian life has been spent in the context of families. We spent 2-3 times a week with members of my church family (not formally in meetings) but just interacting somehow. That is not how things are here, I ad I need to get a grip and get over that. What is my next step? Can anyone help? Please pray that God give me correction where needed and also grace and wisdom.
God Bless you all,
LMS

Hello LMS

I personally think this is the perfect place to express a need like this. To start with, I can see both sides to this situation. From what you've said, I would have to agree with you that you going to them isn't 'easier'. I certainly wouldn't put in that drive time and hassle on a regular basis. However I do understand the needs of a family with nappers. My question is- Do they know how much of a struggle it is for you as well? Perhaps you need to explain that. Sometimes its hard to see outside your own busy bubble. I would say to be sure they understand, and if the situation doesn't change...oh well. Its unfortunate, but that disappointment and possible resentment doesn't hurt them. Just you and possibly your little girl indirectly. But is there a way around this? You see each other at church, so can you meet after church for a bit? Or can you meet at church if it is a halfway point or something? If not-get creative about interaction. If they are working on the same year plan then maybe you could do unit celebrations with them. That would be more worth the drive, I think. I have a friend that is starting Year 2 with me, and we are planning unit celebrations, 1 medieval feast, 1 colonial feast, and maybe some craft exchanges. This week we're making scroll messages with the carriers. I plan on having my kids write notes to her kids and carry them in their little holders to church. We don't get together regular and we're only 15-20 minutes away from each other. I don't really feel the need for a co-op right now. (I have Cana 6, Bethsaida 4, Jericho 1). I understand that you only have the one though-so it is a bit different. Do you have her in any extra curriculars e.g. soccer, gymnastics, ballet...? My kids get a lot out of those sorts of things. You know in a year or two this situation may very well change, too. So don't worry too much. (Piece of cake, right?) Well, I hope something was helpful. I will be praying for you- at least that has to be. Good luck!

I'm not sure I'm understanding completely. You want to be friends with these two families, but they live a long way away from you. But you are realizing that the distance is too great.

You feel that you must rearrange your schedule to do things with them and when you can't you feel like you are sounding like a jerk or maybe you are get that signal back from them.

You also didn't sign up for the local coop so you could have the time to do that. Now you are wondering if that is going to work.

Is that what I'm hearing?

I think I would first begin to assess if you have a support network that is working and satisfy you and your daughter and husband. If not what's wrong with it? Do you need more friends for her or you in it? What sort of friends would these be?

For myself, I'd say that I'd let go of the idea of being close with these two families only because they are in your church and homeschool. If there are other families in your church that you are close to then I'd spend more time with them. It won't be field trips and learning, but it could be art classes or sports or just play dates. If you aren't close to anyone else at your church then I'd seriously consider joining that coop. If it hasn't started yet, go. And make sure you go to the moms' night outs to help get your support.

What I like about how things have worked positively for my family is the variety of people we have in our lives. They aren't all homeschoolers, some of my friends have children much older than my children, etc. So I would encourage you not to feel limited by those who are very similar to yourself, but instead find people who support you and you enjoy.