Our pastor suggested for us to read Just Walk Across the Room by Bill Hybels and one part stuck out at me. He has a graph that shows the amount of interaction that people have with unbelievers and the years they have walking with Christ. After about 8 years of walking with Christ, people typically have no interaction with unbelievers. He then gives an illustration, but for now let me take my own life:

I listen to Christian radio and only watch certain movies. I typically homeschool my children during the day , so no interaction there. On Monday afternoons I go to vision therapy from a homeschool graduate, Christian girl. Once a month, I could attend CHEC full of Christian devotions and Christian interaction. On Tuesday evening once a month I attend my music ministry team meeting, once again: Christians. On Wednesday, I do co-op, piano lessons from a lady at our church, take dad on errands where I interact with the public in a superficial way. I do adult choir and praise team on Wednesday nights while Megan does AWANA and the boys do youth. On Thursday afternoons I take Megan to violin lessons with the interim music director at Oakland Heights. Now for 8 weeks in the fall and 8 weeks in the spring we do soccer. But practice is around the corner from my dad and I leave to do something for him. Most of the other parents leave as well or they are men. So that leaves games where you are really watching your children, but do talk a little to the other parents. The boys did do flag football, but once again: Christian homeschooled children. Then on Sunday we do services and then I direct a children’s choir in the evening. Once again, church members. So when I am asked to bring an unbeliever or my children are asked to bring a friend to church… WHO???

Bill Hybels says this in his book,

“ Instead of walking toward people who need God’s redemptive love, they step into a mode of no longer wanting anything to do with them. Self-proclaimed followers of Jesus Christ develp an aversion to nonbelievers, going to all lengths to avoid the exact people Christ came to redeem.

He then describes a day, much like the ones I have described above. Then he says: “And if I’m forced to nail it down, I see only one problem with this cocooning pattern: it is the polar opposite of the way of Christ. Simple and safe was not exactly the theme Christ was championing when he warned his followers that being sent out as lambs among wolves was part of the deal. “Spotless and uncluttered” had no place in the task of embracing a dying, broken, weary world with radical forgiveness and actionable love.”

This has just convicted me so much and so I ask, how do you cultivate relationships with nonbelievers?? How do we do that? To be honest, I’m not sure how. But I’m praying. If any of you have any ideas, then let me know.

Christine

I know what you are saying. I've wrestled with this, too. Ideas:

1. When we were at your stage, we made a point of having unbelievers in our home. We made our home the place where our children encountered as much of the world as WE wanted on OUR terms. So, neighborhood kids played at OUR house, on purpose. Yes, they dragged in moral and actual dirt into my pristine home, but I was there and could engage with both the neighbors and the dirt WITH my kids, on my terms.

2. Consider ministering to unbelievers that are friends of friends. We are currently doing this with my (unsaved) mom, and you mentioned your dad. My mom lives in a retirement community nearby. As we get time, we are offering computer lessons and repairs to her friends for modest fees. We see these as significant evangelistic opportunities for both my mom AND her acquaintances, since it shows an interest in her life/friends and gives us an "in" to others like her who don't know the Lord.

3. Ask Jesus. If he's raising these thoughts in your mind, He will guide you. But, remember, seasons change. We could not have done #2 in earlier years: no time!

HTH some!

Hi Marcia,

Thanks for the suggestions. I live in rural Texas on 50 acres, so I don't have neighbors really.

My dad doesn't have friends here and lives by himself. The only time he gets out is when I take him. There are a few older ladies that come by and play 42 with him from our church. Most of his friends are from years gone by that he keeps in touch with over the phone.

To be honest, relationships is where I have discovered I need work. I do TONS of stuff, but realized that I didn't have any friends, just acquaintances. So I've worked at the relationship with hubby and one friend that homeschools. I'm the only one who homeschools at my church and the homeschool group I belong to is in a neigboring town, so I haven't made many true friends there just because of lack of time. I mean if you are teaching three different levels of children with all of their subjects and taking care of your father, where is the time to just hang out???

Just ramblings, I guess.

Christine

I guess that is what worries me as well. My children have no friends... So who would they have over?

You're in a busy stage of life: cut yourself some slack.

If this is God bringing up something He wants you to do, then He will show you how and when to comply. If not, just let it go and rest in the fact that He can make His will clear if He wants to. Maybe He just wants to keep relationships before you.

I remember well the day when (feeling lonely) I was bemoaning my lack of friends to an acquaintance at church. This wise woman remarked in an off-hand way "Well, of course, your best friends need to be your husband and kids." Oh! It went straight to my heart and STUCK there. For the next ten years, that's where I planted and watered. Today, I can honestly say that I still don't have that many close girlfriends (a subset of being devoted to writing TOG for ten years, mostly--my computer is my really GOOD friend, lol) but my BEST friends truly are my husband, my grown kids, and their spouses. We have SUCH a great time together, and I'm so glad that I listened to that grace-inspired comment long ago.

God will lead you: listen for His voice, talk about this with your husband, and wait on Him is my advice!

Coming in late on this thread, but Mark Cahill just spoke at our church about a week ago. He has written a book called "One Thing You Can't Do in Heaven" and it is amazing how many places you can interact with unbelievers. I highly recommend it; it has literally changed my life and how I view those I come into even casual contact with. You can also check out his website at http://www.markcahill.org
Michelle

A challenging thread...

My husband and I both come from unbelieving homes, and we have plenty of opportunities to interact with lost loved ones. That doesn't always mean we choose to do so, as interaction and rubbing shoulders has borne some rather unlovely, unhealthy fruit in the past. I agree with Marcia's comments about "seasons" in life, and would add that there is also the issue of how mature the fruit is on our own branches. I wish we'd spent more time developing our own identity in Christ before taking on the brutal work of sharing the gospel with our families and the people on the fringes of their lives. We tried to win the lost to Christ in our earlier years of knowing the Lord (conversion was in 1984), before we had enough wisdom and knowledge to properly handle the Word of Truth in the face of their open hostility. Now, having grown a little wiser and a whole lot older, we feel more able to interact and not be chewed to pieces, but we only do so on a limited basis. Our primary mission field is our own family, we have spent the bulk of our energies on rearing our children to be strong, mature and able to take the gospel themselves into a dying, hurting, broken world. In the interim and on into the future, I believe that even the small, seemingly insignificant interactions we have with family, loved ones, neighbors, and the grouchy woman behind me in line at the grocery store will have eternal results that we won't be able to see until we are in heaven. Do we need to be intentional about reaching out to unbelievers? Yes. Does that mean we need to fill in every spare hour (of which there are precious few left in my week) of our days with this or that gathering, so as to share the gospel? I don't think so. If the Lord was able to walk about the dusty paths of His land, doing the work His Father gave Him to do, and seem so "at peace", without the anxiety and driven frenzy so many of us experience today, then I want to follow that model. I think we can err on either side of this issue - living in our own little cluster of homeschool circles and church friends, or burning ourselves out to be on the front lines of winning the lost for Christ.

Balance is key, and we need to continually remember that the Lord can use small, short interactions here and there for planting seeds that perhaps others will water. In looking back on my own life, I know that there were many along the way that did just that, and more than likely the ones who were involved in the planting didn't even know it!!!!

Laurie

p.s. My own Mom (86 yrs.) moved in with us in December. I am often asked, "Is she a believer?" We honestly do not know. Her presence here has been a rough journey, for both my husband and myself, and the 5 (out of 8) kids still at home. For me, this is more than enough mission work and I can relate to the need for furlough that missionaries require. The victory may be the Lord's but the battle field is where I live and it is exhausting.

I have tried responding in detail a number of times to this thread, but it just isn't working (for one reason or another). So I would just like to say thank you ladies, this thread has been very helpful to me.

Karina.

P.S. If I get a chance maybe I will be able to come back and actually contribute not just receive! Thank you again.