nt

Dear Christine,
I just want you to know that you are not alone. I feel this way EVERY Monday!

Christine,

First, I wish I could give you a hug. You coming to San Antonio any time soon?

I know what it feels like to be discouraged. I am prone to discouragement, quicker than I should be.

I'm not going to tell you that it would be a mistake to quit homeschooling. Homeschooling is a big deal, not right for every situation or for every family. I do think you're right not to throw in the towel immediately, but to make this a long-term, considered sort of decision.

I'm going to say a lot of random things right now, and probably many of them won't really apply to you. I don't expect you to answer these questions here - they're just meant to stimulate your thinking, since sometimes our brain gets stuck and we don't see things that are right in front of us. Ignore anything that you want to ignore - you don't need to answer these points.

Be sure of what you're trading for what. It is true that we homeschoolers don't have the time to make phonics lessons as cute as the schools do. And sometimes that makes lessons less interesting. For me, that's worth it - because the energy that we don't use making phonics lessons interesting, we do use for other things: either studying history or something, or doing a project around the house, or time with friends, or something else worthwhile. I like efficient phonics, leading to reading lots of fabulous books.

But I don't like miserable phonics. Can you take a break from the Saxon and use that time to do some of the things your friend has recommended and see if that helps your daughter? Can you borrow other phonics programs and see how they go? The important thing is that you work on her reading, not that you finish the program. I have a feeling that once she can read easily and you have that weight off your shoulders, your whole life is going to start looking up.

Can you get help with your oldest? Can you find a tutor who will help him? Can your husband step in some with him? Can you work something out with a friend in some way? Are you willing to let him move a little more slowly in math and science (he'll still be ahead) in order to give you more time to work with his siblings, and to encourage social interactions? Does his computer time require your efforts because you're having to supervise to be sure he's staying within your guidelines? If that's the case, I'm not sure I'd be willing to give him much of my time right now, when he's been messing with parental controls....

I've been talking with other moms about 11yos, and we agree that they tend to have a terrible time staying focused. I can't help you much with that one, except to say that they get better again! Can you work out some sort of accountability with someone else, who can check up on him? (Did you do your vision therapy before 2:00 today? If you do it on time four times this week, I'll take you out for ice cream.) Can your husband call every hour and gently ask him what he's accomplished? I don't know what would help - just throwing things out there. What does he think makes it easier for him to work? My 12yo can concentrate better when she's listening to music on her headphones.

Before you make the decision to send your kids to school, be sure to visit the schools that they'd be attending and observe - a whole day, if you can. Consider what you'll be gaining, and what you'll be giving up. It may be worth it, and it may not. Look at the whole package, and consider every part - prayerfully, as you've been doing.

I've bee thinking about you and worrying, and I pray that you can get through this tough spot and figure out the best solution for your family.

nt

Christine,

I've often felt like you and I had a lot in common - most of my family, too, works either in education or in medicine. (My husband's an engineer, though.) I know that thing about getting in at late, irregular hours.

And yeah, moms who withdraw their kids and re-enroll them and then withdraw them create a real public image problem for the rest of us, don't they? It's contact with people like this which has made me realize how careful we need to be when encouraging others to think about homeschooling. Unfortunately, the schools don't know much about successful homeschoolers, since we don't spend any time around schools.

It sounds as if one thing you might consider working on is the social aspect. You need more than one homeschooling friend if you possibly can find some. It can help you in unpredictable ways. Have you joined any support groups? Are there any park days meeting nearby? What can you find around you? Your kids - all of them - and you, too, need to find a group of people where you don't feel different. And if your oldest can find an accepting group of kids, he might feel better about the social world.

Most of our homeschooling friends have come from activities: daytime ballet classes, co-op, and a local youth group we participate with even though we don't belong to their church, because it's great for our kids, who, like yours, have little in common with the youth group at our own church.

If it were me, I doubt I would be willing to sit beside my son to be available approve sites he wanted to visit. It seems to be a real burden to you. I think I'd ask him to keep a list of the sites he wanted to visit, and then when I had time I'd go approve a bunch of them at once. I don't know your situation, but it might help me stay sane. (Do you have to re-approve a website every single time, or can they re-visit a website without approval? Can you find a different monitoring program if this one is too cumbersome? You don't need to answer those - I was just wondering.) He would find this frustrating, but he'd get through it.

I wish, once more, that I could give you a hug. I sense that part of the problem is that you're feeling the need to prove yourself to the people around you, including maybe your husband. That is an incredible burden. With time, you may find that they are reassured and this burden is lifted - or you may find that they aren't, and it becomes intolerable.

Till next time....

nt

Christine,

I know only God can lead you into the right decision, but on the social point...

Going to school is not a quick fix to get your son friends. If God is telling you to do that, than obey by all means. But it sounds like your older son is around kids alot already. When they are more introverted, they will be at school as well. (and possibly get teased for it.) I have a friends whose daughter is in public school, and she has NO friends there. I have 2 kids at home - one makes friends easily and another does not. Different personalities :-) I know you'll do what you feel is best, but I wouldn't approach the decision with the idea that school would be a social "quick fix" for an introverted child.

Also, have you considered a "One Day Academy" type situation? We have one here that is more than a co-op. You can take as many classes you want and homeschool the rest of the week. Many people put their oldest in the classes that are harder to teach, so they can give the youngers more time. They have Computer Science, higher math and science labs, SAT prep, etc.. This is just a thought. Its very reasonable and they are drop off classes. My 5th grader is taking Spanish this year, and we are going to add a class next year.

I use Sing and Spell, Read, and Write to teach my children to read. Its not super cheap, but it uses games and songs (already prepared) to teach phonics. Its colorful and tons of fun!

Praying for you!

AnnM in Texas

Christine,
I just wanted to interlope here and say I'll pray for you, too! I think the key to this may all boil down to getting on the same page with your husband--whether that is home schooling or not. Please don't misunderstand-I am not saying either of you is wrong here. Only that on issues where I don't see eye to eye with my husband or feel that I have his full support, I spend a lot of time doubting myself. It is so much easier to walk through the hard times if you are walking in step with each other. Just keep doing your best. God is faithful. He will provide the answer that is right for your family.

If any of you asks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5 NKJV

Blessings,
Christie