My boys gave me their rough drafts of their descriptive papers and I need some input. First of all, these are rough drafts and have not been edited in any way by them or me. They just sat down with their graphic organizer and wrote. They are writing their other paragraph today and tomorrow and we will edit both of them next week. The first one is by my 8th grader who is a just the facts kind of guy that prefers math and science. To me, this is expository not descriptive. Will adding more descriptions next week make it a descriptive paper or does it need a major rework:


The Joust was a sporting event as popular as Football is today. The Joust was a fighting competition that involved two knights on horses. Both knights had on armor that covered their whole body, from the head to the toes. The armor would weigh your body down significantly. The knights also had a sword, a lance, which is a long spear, and a brightly covered shield. The horses also had some armor. Both knights would start on opposite sides and be divided by a rope. The knights would charge at each other and with lances pointing forward until the lances met. If one knight fell of his horse, the knight who knocked him off won. But if no one fell off then they did it again. They did this three times. If no one fell off, both knights would dismount and fight sword-to-sword. Whoever won the swordfight won the match. The Joust was a very popular sport back in the middle ages.

My 6th grader, on the other hand, seems to have a pretty good start:
I am getting ready for my first joust. My Lord knighted me last night. I am feeling a mix of joy and fear. My squire is putting my armor on. He is finished. I am walking towards my horse. We walk out. The fans are screaming. I see my family. Then I see him. The Black Knight, my opponent rides out. We line up in our spots. BLAG! I ride towards my opponent. CRASH! Our lances connect and shatter. I take another lance. We charge at each other. CRACK! The same thing happens. I grab another lance. We charge at each other and our lances crack again. We dismount and draw our swords. Excitement and fear run down my spine. We battle in sword-to-sword combat. I spin the Dark Knight’s sword out of his hand. He cries for mercy. I give it to him. The fans raise to their feet and cheer. I have won my first joust!

So what do you think?

Christine

Hi Christine,
Well, the 8th graders paragraph could go either way: descriptive or expository. I think one problem here is that possibly the topic needs to be narrowed a bit so that it's easier to differentiate between the two genres. He could have described the protective gear, for instance.

What makes your 6th grader's paragraph seem more descriptive is that he wrote it in 1st person and thus could describe his feelings. However, this one could also be considered a narrative paragraph.

For the beginning of the school year, this is adequate. The point is to teach them that there are different genres, which prepares them for future work during the school year.

Blessings,